Furry Friday

I realize that many of my readers live in the DFW area, so I thought today I'd feature an available pet from the Collin County Humane Society in McKinney, TX.

There were SO many adorable dogs on their website, but I think you'll see why I couldn't resist featuring Winkie, a female Cattle Dog/Shiba Inu mix.

Here's the description of Winkie from the website:

Winkie is an adorable, incredibly sweet one eyed doll with an amazing personaility! She is spunky, fun and loves to play and doesn't let her "disability" get in her way at all. Her one eye just adds to her adorable charm. Who wouldn't want a pup who will greet them everyday with a smile and a wink ;) She was owner surrendered to a shelter after her family no longer had the time for her. They reported that the nighbors dog had attacked her when she was a baby, resulting in the loss of her eye.

This is an amazing dog who her foster family has fallen in love with. She has the best personality you can have in a dog and wants so much to be with people and get the love and attention she needs. She would make a wonderful dog for any family and deserves to have people to call her own!

Winkie is great other dogs, cats and the countless other animals in her foster home. She also loves toys and having fun! Winkie is a young girl who is 1 1/2 years old. She is 30lbs and has been spayed, microchipped, is HW-, current on HW prev and current on all vaccinations. Winkie is house broken and crate-trained. :)

Complete an online application today at: http://www.collincountyhumanesociety.org/Forms.htm

So come on, Texas! Adopt this dog!!! HOW COULD YOU RESIST?!?!?

Couch Surfer

It's kinda like Soul Surfer except there are no sharks and it's not that inspiring.

I've been sleeping on the couch for the past two nights because Gary's too manly to take medicine for his cough and I got tired of waking up to the sound of him ha-HLAPHCKHing in my face every five minutes.

Bravo isn't allowed on our bed but he is allowed on the couch. He gets really excited when one of us sleeps out there because then he can plop all his forty-five pounds right down on my feet, forcing me to wiggle them out from under him and move them to the side, giving him easy access to my toes, which he proceeds to lick aggressively, occasionally giving way to a slight nibble, and just generally making it impossible for me to get any sleep unless I fold myself in half. (I can't really blame him for the nibbling, as I imagine it's kind of like when you're chewing a piece of really sweet grape flavored gum and you really want to swallow it but you have to consciously fight the urge because you have a real fear that you've swallowed enough gum in the past seven years to ensure it's probably getting pretty crowded in there and won't take much more to cause you some serious health problems. But I digress.)

Anyway last night there was a crazy windstorm that knocked a vase* out of my window sill at about 3am, and I'll be darned if he didn't make it from my feet to my stomach in a single bound, knocking the wind (as well as a slew of curse words that would have made John McEnroe** blush) out of me.

I can't even be mad at him because I know he was just scared. He was a stray, so I assume the sound of the howling wind reminded him of his time on the streets. Other things that remind him of his time on the streets: thunder, car horns, people walking by, baby bunnies, nighttime and air.

*Don't worry, it was empty. Gwynnie's doing just fine.
**THROWBACK!

I Work Out

First of all, have you heard this song? I have to warn you before you listen to it - if you're anything like me, you're gonna be walking around all day shrugging your shoulders at strangers and saying nonchalantly, "I work out." (See also: Me walking around shaking my head back and forth saying "wigglewigglewigglewigglewiggle... wigglewigglewigglewigglwiggle")

Anyway, to distract you from the fact that you're now wondering whether or not I have some sort of social disorder, LOOK AT THAT BIRD OVER THERE!!!

Yesterday Leah and I did the Jack Quinn's run. (It's a running club downtown...click here for more info.) And when I say "did" it, I think you know what I mean. That's right! We walked all 5 K's!!!

Leah's a tad more athletic than I am (meaning she is one of those freaks who actually seem to enjoy working out) so she kept itching to run, but she very patiently kept my turtle's pace because she's a good friend. (Also maybe because every time she looked like she was about to leave me, I gently reminded her that without her there to protect me I'd probably get murdered by a hobo and it would be all her fault.)

I don't really know where I was going with this.

THE END

Oh wait! I vaguely remember where I was going with this! Something about...my blisters have shin splints.

THE END*

*I have a feeling my editor would frown upon my double use of "the end"...but she's still out of town, and you know what they say, "When the cat's away, I'll say 'the end' as many times as I want!"

End of an Era

...or is it? INCEPTION!

Okay here's the deal. I just saw Inception because I live under a large rock where there are no movie theaters...but we recently got a Redbox because those things are everywhere - even here, under my rock - so I finally watched it.

I liked the movie, but it also kinda made me sad because it meant that I couldn't make my favorite joke anymore. To give you a taste of what my favorite joke is, read this post I started to write a few months ago but which Sarah told me not to post "because it didn't make any sense and why won't you just watch the movie already?"

This is a letter to myself. (INCEPTION!)

Self,

I've arranged this inceptervention because things have gotten a little out of hand with you (me). I (me) know you (I) don't want to hear this, but somebody's gotta tell you (me) and it might as well be someone you (I) trust. I don't want to waste your (my) time so I'll just come right out and say it: Not everything is "just like Inception!" (Although it should probably be said that this is possibly the worst format for addressing this issue, as this meta-letter is kind of making your (my) brain explode.)

Basically I just liked shouting "INCEPTION!" after every word I said that had anything to do with another word I'd said. Make sense? No? Oh, I guess that's why Sarah told me not to post it.

In closing, I have no concrete plans to stop making this joke any time in the immediate future, even though now having seen the movie I should really know better.

THE END

Hand: It's What's For Dinner

First off I feel I should warn you that my proofreader is out of town this week, so if you notice any typographical errors, offensive jokes or the fact that I seem generally despondent and lost...that's why.

Anyway, on to today's blog! Last night Samantha and Jake entrusted their pride and joy to my care for a couple hours so they could have some mommy and daddy time.

Naturally, I spent the entire time taking blurry cell phone pictures of Archer eating his own hand.

Furry Friday

It's time for another Furry Friday!!!

Today's featured pet is Daisy!

Daisy is a 4 month old female, tricolor Boxer mix, and most importantly, she kinda reminds me of my dog Bravo...which means you might have to fight me for her.

For more information on Daisy, click here.

SOMEBODY PLEASE ADOPT THIS DOG. She looks like a sweetie pie.

Captain No Pants

I went to a high school softball game yesterday with our friends Hailey and Brit. They dropped me off at my house afterwards because they're nice and also I think they suspected that I probably would have died if I'd tried to walk home, either from exhaustion or, more likely, a murderer.

As I was walking up to my house, Gary poked his head out from behind the curtain to wave at them before they drove away. I walked in to find that, as per usual when he's not at work, he was down to just a t-shirt and boxers, which he explained was the result of a half-successful attempt at changing from jeans into basketball shorts.

A few seconds later, Gary's phone rang. He answered with, "Yeah, so I wasn't wearing pants, what are you gonna do about it?!?" I could hear Brit laughing for what seemed like a disproportionately long time before he informed Gary that he the sole purpose of his phone call had been to confirm a suspicion that the reason only Gary's head was visible through the window was that the rest of him was naked.

THE END

SHE'S BACK!

SAMANTHA'S BAAAAAACK from TWELVE WEEKS of maternity leave so I hope you'll understand that I can't do anything besides hug/talk to/make googly eyes at her today.

Lucky for you, I have this really cool friend named Gracie who showed me these two really cute videos.

Is This a Thing Now?

So I was on Grooveshark trying to figure out how to do the cat daddy* when I came across this ad:



PSA's about texting and driving I can understand...but has SHAVING while driving become a big enough problem that it's now getting its own ads???

Also you should know that one of the other choices in this scrolling ad was "trash can," but I figured grabbing a screen shot while it said "girl scouts" would deliver maximum disturbing power. YOU'RE WELCOME!

*It's a dance where you move your arms like you're in a wheelchair...presumably because, according to urbandictionary.com, a cat daddy is defined as "a dude over 55 who can still get it". GET IT?!?

Furry Fridays

So I'm kind of obsessed with looking at all the available dogs at our local Humane Society...even though I'm pretty sure a third dog would both literally and figuratively eat us out of house and home.

BUT! I've found a way to make my compulsion seem less alarming! FURRY FRIDAYS! I will feature a different available pet each week* from the Pikes Peak Humane Society. And I guess I should clarify that each week the featured pet will be a dog, because cats are useless.

This week's featured pet is Cosmo, a 2 year old miniature poodle and cocker spaniel mix.

Look how happy he is! Don't you want to go rescue him??? He would probably just sit in your lap and look up at you like this ALL DAY LONG!
For more information on Cosmo, click this link.

*For as long as I feel like it. Remember Time-Waster Thursdays? Or CILKARAMO? Maybe I have a consistency problem. OR MAYBE I JUST DO WHATEVER I WANT.

The Root of the Problem

Every day at lunch, I drink one of these:

And every day, someone cracks a joke about it.

"I think I'm gonna need to see some ID. Heh heh heh."

"Tryin' to take the edge off? Heh heh heh."

"Whoa, better make sure nobody from HR sees ya with that! Heh heh heh."

As you can plainly see, each joke is both charmingly witty and apparently quite self-satisfying.

I'm not gonna lie though, there are days I wish I was drinking something a little stronger. Like a DR. PEPPER! (Why, what did you think I was talking about???)

While I can say with confidence that Diet A&W is the best of all the diet drinks out there as far as not tasting like cat food goes, there's just nothing quite like a real, non-diet Dr. Pepper to give me the throat exfoliation and heartburn I'm looking for in a soda.

Two Days of Laze

Well here I go AGAIN not writing a real post. BUT I come bearing a bribe to try to get you guys to keep loving me! It's a playlist and I like it, and I hope you will too! (Mom and dad, I promise slash am sorry that you won't.)

CLICK THIS to listen! Beware of explicit lyrics, there are lots of 'em on there. I don't cuss on the blog, but that doesn't mean I don't love Eminem.

Guest Bloggy Blog

So as you may have heard, I'm lazy. I didn't write a blog for today, but lucky for you I have lots of funny friends to fill in for me when that happens. Leah's dad just joined Facebook, so she's been giving him some guidelines and they've been funny. And here they are! Enjoy!

Rule #1: One Facebook status update a day on average. Some exeptions are permitted (major events, really funny jokes) - but use extreme discretion when posting more than one update a day.

Rule #2: Know the difference between a private message and a wall-post (and know what is appropriate for both). Wall posts include: General well wishes (birthdays, major events), non-specific sentiments (I miss you, Hope you're doing well), funny stories that are not embarrassing and any general link, video or message that you and the recipient are OK with the whole world seeing. Private messages include: Specific inquiries in to the details of someone's life, any conversation lasting more than an initial message and a response, invitations for social outings that include specific details...or any other content that may in ANY way be too personal for the whole internet to read.

Rule #3: Regardless of how angry, outraged or infuriated you are - avoid the all-too-common "Facebook rant". This is a very public, very generalized calling out of whoever or whatever has recently offended you. Everyone reading your Facebook status will think you're talking about them - and will from that point forward treat you with a level of delicacy and trepidation usually reserved for the mentally unstable. However, this rule becomes null and void if you choose to start naming names - everyone loves a good old fashioned train wreck.

Rule #4: Reposting. JUST SAY NO. End of rule. No exceptions.

Rule #5: Though they may be easier and quicker to type, avoid using slang or shortened versions of words (U for you, etc) at all costs. If you cannot fully articulate your thoughts in the full words meant to express them - perhaps you should rethink what you're trying to say.

Rule #6: Posting on someone's on Facebook wall is not the same as calling, texting or even sending an email. The hierarchy of contact is as follows: mass Facebook message (more than one recipient), Facebook wall post, Facebook direct message, message to personal e-mail account, text message, phone call and finally face-to-face contact. If you do not receive a response from a desire method of communication - it is acceptable to escalate your inquiry up the hierarchy. It is NOT acceptable to take offense to any lack of communication at or below the "Facebook direct message" stage. Facebook world is not the real world.

Rule #7: Though it may feel good to receive sympathetic responses from friends and family members - use extreme caution when posting any negative, depressing or generally sad updates unless absolutely necessary (good rule of thumb - once every three to four months). Facebook is not your church newsletter nor is it an avenue to express your displeasure with life's tidings. People will block you from their news feed. Non one cares about your dog/children/life as much as you do. Especially when it's depressing.

Hang On

Whoa, hey! Sup hangers?! Gosh, there sure are a lot of you there in my closet! Aren't you guys supposed to be holding up some clothes or something?

Oh, I see. You only hold up clean clothes. It appears I have nothing to offer you then.

I really wanted to post a picture of the pile of laundry that's been steadily encroaching on our bedroom and is now making a promising attempt to overtake the rest of the house, and I went as far as to take a picture, but Gary asked me in earnest not to post it because he said it was embarrassing. He asks for so little, so I guess the least I can do is refrain from posting a picture of his unmentionables.

Instead, I'll just show you this totally un-doctored picture Leah took of Bravo yesterday.

Fifty points* to whoever comes up with the best caption.

*Points can be redeemed only for respect. So I guess they should really be called respect units. Fifty respect units to whoever comes up with the best caption.

Oh No. Oh Nonononono.

It's happening. I can feel it. I'm getting sick.

Fall, why on earth would you do this to me??? Remember all those nice things I said about you??? I've paid my dues! I bought a pumpkin spice latte for crying out loud! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME???

Anyway if anybody needs me, I'll just be over here asleep under my desk.

Marsala La La La La La La La

I'm still riding the wave of cool-weather induced euphoria, so it seems I'm almost in too good a mood to focus enough to blog, but I'm doing it anyway because I love yall and I want you to have an awesome day too! And if you make the recipe I'm about to share with you, I can almost guarantee that you will!

It came from Cheap Healthy Good and it is one of my favorites. Gary and I had it last night with a little bowtie pasta sprinkled with olive oil, parmesan & red pepper flakes. SO DELICIOUS. You should try it.

Chicken and Mushroom Marsala

PointsPlus value: 10 per serving
Serves: 2
Ingredients:
2 whole boneless, skinless chicken breasts (about 28 oz), halved
2 teaspoons olive oil
1-1/2 tablespoons butter
2/3 onion, sliced thin
1/2 pound mushrooms, sliced thin
1/3 cup Marsala
2/3 cup chicken broth
1-1/2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley leaves (I hate parsley so I skip this part)

Instructions:

1. Gently pat chicken dry with paper towels. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. In a large skillet, heat oil over medium-high heat. Add chicken and brown in two separate batches. When finished with each, transfer them to a plate so juices may redistribute throughout meat.

2. Add onion and mushrooms to skillet. Cook a few minutes, until liquid mushrooms give off is evaporated, stirring occasionally. Add Marsala. Stir. Cook until Marsala is nearly gone. Add broth, chicken, and any chicken juices pooling on plate. Simmer until chicken is fully cooked, around 15 minutes, turning once halfway through. (I had very thick cuts, and this still timed out perfectly.) Move chicken back to plate.

3. Keep the sauce simmering until it reduces to around 1/3 cup. Kill heat. Salt and pepper the sauce to taste. Add butter. Stir sauce until butter is just melted. Serve chicken with sauce. Garnish with parsley if you enjoy the taste of freshly mown grass.

FALL!

Do you know how much I love fall? I don't think you know. Allow me to clear things up for you: I LOVE FALL SO MUCH. The weather's great, the clothes are great -- I mean, JACKETS, amirite?! Who doesn't love wearing jackets? Oh, you? You don't love wearing jackets? THEN GET OUT OF MY BLOG. I actually have a little bit of a jacket problem. I always try to break them out of the coat closet way too early and then end up drenched in sweat by the end of the day because I'm too stubborn to change. I DON'T CARE IF IT'S EIGHTY-FIVE DEGREES; I LOOK ADORABLE.

Fall came right on time this year. It was like September started and I immediately started shivering and cursing my way out of the shower. That's how you know it's good. (I mean let's be honest - I've only taken one shower so far in September, but that's beside the point.) I even dyed my hair dark for the occasion! Also because I can't afford highlights anymore. But mostly it was for fall!

Nothing says "fall" like a blurry cell phone picture of yourself.

What I'm MOST excited about is that our new house has a fireplace. Gary hasn't let me use it yet because he says 60 degrees isn't cold enough to start a fire, but I have plans to start strategically placing ice cubes in various sensitive areas of his body while he sleeps, so I'm confident I'll have my way* soon enough. 

So anyway let's get on out there, wear some jackets, stomp some leaves and pay way too much for a pumpkin spice latte so we can drink to fall!

*My way or a one way ticket to Sleeponthecouchville, but definitely one of the two.

Timetable

Saturday night we had a BBQ for Gary's birthday, because Gary's favorite way to celebrate is to eat meat until he throws up.

So anyway Saturday morning at about 10, we're sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast, and Gary says to Sarah and me, "Man, you know what would be great? If we had a picnic table so we could all eat outside tonight."

And then he built a picnic table and we all ate outside.

THE END

Just kidding! It's not the end, because here are some pictures of the table! I'd like to remind you that the idea went from conception to completion in less than ten hours. By my husband.

First up is a shot of the table with the headless carpenter in the background. That little white thing at the bottom is Bravo's tail because he is attention starved and feels the need to photobomb every picture I take.

And here we have a shot from the other side, featuring the Ghost of Sarahs Past.



We comfortably fit ten people at the table, but I don't have a picture of that because I couldn't manage to get a picture where somebody* didn't have BBQ sauce all over their face.

*That somebody was Brit.

***UPDATE***

At the request of his wife, here's a picture of Brit with saucy face and Mike doing Lord only knows what.

Gary Day

Gary turns 25 today, and I'm gonna tell it like it is.

He's a man's man and yet he still knows exactly how to comfort me when I'm upset. 

If you know him, he's probably helped you move/fix something/build a ridiculous light out of mason jars and done it with a smile. 

He is a man after God's own heart.

He roughhouses with our dogs and then kisses them on the head when they're done. 

He makes his own BBQ sauce and IT IS DELICIOUS. 

He works hard to provide for his family, even if it means putting up with a series of crappy jobs with crappy bosses.

He's a helicopter pilot, and it won't be too long before he gets to live his dream full-time.

He's rather good looking.

He's never had a shred of conceit even though he's the best man I know.

He tells me he loves me several times a day, but I'd know it even if he never said the words.

Happy birthday Gary! I'm so proud to be your wife.

Food, Dude

I got back on the Weight Watchers wagon this week after about a six week hiatus, so of course now all I think about is food.

Sarah made these ADORABLE panda cupcakes the other night for a friend's birthday. What? No I did not eat one for breakfast this morning! Okay yes I did. AND IT WAS DELICIOUS. I figure if you're going to eat something bad for you, it's best to do it in the morning so you have all day to burn it off...but then again maybe that's just my desperate attempt at justifying eating dessert at 7am.

The other thing I want to show you is this beautiful pie I made.

Jealous??? Me too. I didn't get to eat very much of it on account of the diet and everything...1/8 of the pie is over half my points allowance for the day.

But if that doesn't scare you, you should make it yourself! It's pretty much Gary's favorite food that isn't lasagna. I can't seem to find the recipe online so I took the liberty of scanning my copy so I could share it with you. Here it is! Enjoy!

The only thing I would suggest changing is maybe crumbling the sausage instead of slicing it, 'cause it seems like the slices are so big that you almost have to eat them in bites by themselves instead of with the rest of the filling.

Oh and if you don't have white pepper...just use black pepper. I spent the $5 or however much it was on white pepper the first time I made it and this continues to be the ONLY recipe I've ever made that calls for it.

Lastly, I'm pretty sure this is the only place on the Internet where this recipe can be found, so if you want a pdf version to print out, let me know and I'll email it to you!

Have a great weekend!!!

Oh Yeah, I'm HUGE in Philadelphia

So...my blog has been nominated for CBS Philly's Most Valuable Blogger Award.

I was obsessively checking my blog stats to see how many pageviews I'd gotten yesterday and happened to glance down at the traffic sources (for all you non-nerds, that shows you all the places where people have followed links to get to your blog) when I saw this:


I clicked on it out of sheer curiosity and then just sat there staring at my computer with my mouth open for about five minutes.

Gray Matter? That's my blog! Are they talking about my blog? They think I'm funny, witty and light hearted??? THAT IS SO NIC--wait...what???

So I did a little research and came to the conclusion that, for reasons unknown, I am indeed a finalist in this competition.

First of all I want to say thank you SO MUCH to whoever it was that nominated me! I am seriously honored/flattered/touched, and if you tell me who you are I promise to say lots of nice things about you on the Internet.

But I do kinda want to discourage you guys from going there and voting for me, because I'm quite certain I only ended up as a finalist by mistake. In fact, here's an excerpt from the rules that proves it:

I'm sure whoever was checking my eligibility must have just assumed I'm from Philadelphia and not Colorado Springs. (Although I have been known to throw down on a cheese steak or two in my time...but I'm pretty sure that doesn't count.) So while it might be tempting to vote for me because you're nice and you like me, I'd sure hate to steal votes from someone who actually qualifies and might really like to win this contest.

Actually, if you're feeling generous, how about this: click on this link, look through the finalists and vote for somebody else! 'Cause everybody likes winning stuff, right? Make somebody in Philly feel good!