The Opposite of Moderate

These are the only two pictures I took in Florida:

So, yeah, I had a pretty good time.

(Motion) Sick Burn!

Every time I get a little bit of motion sickness on a flight, I think about the choir trip I took to NYC my senior year of high school. Stop me if you've heard this one.*

Our flight to New York was easily the most turbulent flight I've ever been on. So turbulent, in fact, that I had to use the airsickness bag in the seatback pocket in front of me. I was unsure as to what I should do because, try as I might, I couldn't recollect the part of the safety demonstration during which the flight attendants mimed puking into and then discreetly disposing of the bags. My friend Liz recognized my distress and came to my rescue by carrying the bag off the plane and throwing it away for me.

Liz, if you're reading this, I just want you to know that that was one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me and I'll never forget it. There are only so many people in this world who would be willing to carry a bag full of someone else's puke, and I think that says an awful lot about a person's character.

On a loosely related note, I encourage everyone to put their kids in either band or choir in high school, because although people might make fun of them, they will also get to take awesome trips to places like New York City and Disneyworld. That is all.

*You can't!

Floridiculous

FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA FLORIDA

Oh hey! Sorry I haven't blogged in forever...but what you see above is pretty much what it would have looked like if I had. I'm going to Florida tomorrow for a work conference and IT IS GOING TO BE AWESOME. I'm gonna get to hang out with four thousand of my closest coworkers, visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter one day, and most importantly, wear SANDALS because it's going to be 80 degrees THE WHOLE TIME!

Hope everybody else has as great a week as I will!

Err Day Feel Like My Birthday

Birthday number 26 makes it official: I'm on the thirty side of the twenties.

Does this mean I'm a real adult?

Will I finally start to understand my 401k plan?

Am I old enough to wear one of those floppy red hats?

Could I start calling everyone "honey" and get away with it?

Do I need to buy a pair of high-waisted jeans? Or do they just automatically send you those?

AND WOULD YOU TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN???

This Website Will Make You Laugh

Pinterest, You Are Drunk

And yes, I realize my posts are getting shorter and shorter. The only explanation is that I'm getting lazier and lazier.

OH and I wanna throw out a big ALOHA to Kayleigh for posting this on FB for me to steal.

You Say Tomato, I Say Anti-Semitism By Accident

I was telling Sam and Sarah this morning that I have a problem with the word "semantics" because every time I'm about to write or say it, I have to stop and be like, "Wait...am I about to say 'semantics' or 'semitism'?"

The rest of the conversation consisted of the two of them doubting aloud how often I use the word "semantics" in everyday conversation and me insisting that it's a lot.

THE END

Playing Chicken

I ate some weird chicken and now I'm pretty sure I'm dying.

THE END

(Get it?!? The end??? Because I'm dying?!?)

However, I might stand a fighting chance based on the fact that the 60-pack of gum I've been working on expired in June. So either I've been building up immunity to rancid food and I'll come out stronger on the other side OR the steady ingestion of moldy gum juice has been slowly chipping away at my life and those two bites of six-day-old chicken will be the crowning blow that finally finishes me off. We shall see.

Non-Weekend Update

I haven't done a very good job of blogging this week, so I thought I'd show you some pictures of what's been going on around here.

Early on in the week, I snapped and killed everyone within strangling distance. I think you'll understand why when you see the uh...renovations that were recently made to our guest bed.

So to blow off some steam, I bought six hundred tables.

I didn't actually buy this first one; my parents gave it to us when we went home for Christmas and we just got around to setting it up. Isn't it beautiful??? It was originally my grandmother's and my mom refinished it for us because she is amazing.

Once we got it set up, I thought to myself, "Self, I think you're really onto something with this whole table thing...you should go get some more of those." So I did. (Well, it was partly that, and partly the fact that we've been using a couple of cheap folding tray tables as bedside/end tables and I got tired of not having anywhere to set my drink down in the living room.)

Sarah asked me what I was going to put inside the glass door and I said, "Probably a roll of toilet paper." When she looked puzzled/concerned, I explained that I always keep one next to my bed in case I need to blow my nose. And then she introduced me to the concept of tissues and I became instantly less trashy.

We made one other very exciting purchase this week:

All that poop in the backyard doesn't stand a chance.

AND to wrap up the week, I'm trying something new. I've become slightly obsessed with this website called Le Animalé. (You might remember the wolf necklace I posted on Tuesday in my birthday list.) Anyway she posted some pictures of her process and as I was looking at them, I started to think maybe it was something I could do. So yesterday I bought some clay and this is what happened!

I haven't painted it yet but I'll post more pictures when I do.

So that's it! Have a great weekend everybody!

Not Only Does Your Body Bang But...Your Head Bangs Too

There's nothing quite like explaining every minute detail of your job to the new CFO to convince you that your job is the most boring job in the history of jobs.

The following is a real thought that crossed my mind as I was explaining one of my daily processes: How do I not spend more time banging my head on the keyboard?

But then I remembered! LUDA is how I do not spend more time banging my head on the keyboard!

I highly recommend Pop and Hip Hop Power Workout Radio* on Pandora for anyone who gets bored at work ever. If you're anything like me, you'll find that the urge to bang your head against something hard has been instantly replaced with the urge to fist pump - which, last time I checked, is never a bad thing. (Unless you're standing near someone taller than you. Then it might be really bad, 'cause not only did you just punch someone in the face...they're also bigger than you, so chances are they can probably beat your ass.)

*I have to give credit to my good friend Heather for showing me the light on Facebook. And when I say "my good friend Heather" I mean this girl named Heather who I haven't really talked to since geometry class sophomore year but who I've always really liked and still often FB stalk because she has a cute family. So Heather, if you're reading this...sorry I'm weird. Also -- you may have heard me mention this a second ago -- your family is cute.

The Internet Makes Me Want Everything

My birthday's in two weeks! To make things easier on my friends and family, I decided to put together a short list of things I want. I've included links to make each item easier to find and purchase online. Hey, you're welcome!

1. Big Sexy Hair Spray & Play Volumizing Hairspray - Because I can't afford to buy nice hair products.

Confession: Rachel, I used yours once. AND I LOVED IT. Sarah and I were going somewhere and my bangs looked terrible. If someone buys it for me I promise to give you one spray of mine.

2. Sony eBookstore Gift Cards - Because I got an eReader for Christmas and I can't afford to buy any books for it.

3. Stila Convertible Color in Poppy - Because it's pretty and I'd like to be pretty too.

4. Hobby Lobby Gift Cards - So I can afford to do some of the Pinterest projects I've got piling up.

5. Le Wolf Petite Necklace - I found this on Etsy and it's kind of the most awesome thing I've ever seen.

6. Rainbows! - Because after seven faithful years of service, my old ones finally bit the dust this summer at camp. Anyone who is interested in buying me these might want to take note of the exact specifications in the picture below. (I'M LOOKING AT YOU, MOM.)

7. Mountainsmith Tour Lumbar Pack in Pinon Green - Because I want to be cool like everyone else in my super-secret organization. Anyone who is married to me and wants to stay that way might do well to pay very close attention to this one.

8. Industrial Rolling Side Table - Because owning something from Urban Outfitters would make me feel cool.

9. 2007 Chevrolet Trailblazer LT 4D Sport Utility - Because I ran out of realistic things to ask for and I found this on Carmax.

10. 10475 Peavey Pl, Woodland Park, CO 80863 - Honey, you can put this one on layaway.